Why are comic book worlds anything like ours?

This time on when someone looks waaaay too deeply into comics i tackle such questions as super soldiers, space travel and why I’m practicing my Texan accent! Basically the main question is why is the superhero world anything like ours? For god sake with the invention of the internet the world has changed completely so how in God’s name would an alien invasion not shake up absolutely everything? In this article I will be looking at marvel as I feel a bit bad about being mean to DC and basically ranting about the stupidity of it all.

So to get this out the way, yes i understand that they want the world to be relatable to us, that’s why when a new president is elected they put his face around, and generally try to make it as realistic as possible, but with aliens. The problem with this though is that just can’t work. Maybe back when comic started it made sense, after all if captain America turned up it would be awesome but wouldn't affect the average joe in any real way apart from Frisbees becoming cool again (no ultimate Frisbee people you have a fun game but in no way is it cool, you’re level of cool is around quiddich, but you only win because you don’t have to ride a broomstick). But by this point in the marvel universe a load of huge shit has gone down. Just a few example, the secret invasion where shape shifting aliens declared jihad on earth (really), hulk has the worst intervention ever gets sent to a alien planet finds a wife settles down she dies he gets even more angry and invades earth, and basically wins (this is called planet hulk and is one of the few awesome hulk stories, check it out).  Asgard, like the gypsies they really are decide they don’t like where the are living any more and decide to move to earth. These were just a few of the most obvious ones (which i could remember because I can’t be bothered to go to Wikipedia, seriously try to wiki one thing in comics on wiki, there are like a million links to awesome things and then you've wasted a whole evening) but how would that not effect the world in any way?

Just to start off with the idea that there have been separate alien attacks on earth is going to provoke some kind of response, and no creating the avengers is not a proper response, honestly what kind of dumb idea is it to trust the whole world to an alcoholic, an anger management problem, a Russian spy, a assassin who could probably do a whole lot more with a sniper rifle, a steroid infused old guy and an alien who in all of our legends is kind of a dick? If I ruled the world if some dude offered me this idea I would fire him so hard that even is grand kids would sue me for unfair dismissal.

Another thing about the invasions, obviously the ships have crash landed on earth after death was averted by a god complex in a red suit (by the way I’m being mean to iron man but i think we can all be honest, he is the most awesome avenger) why wouldn't the government or corporations snatch that shit up? On a side note most of the things I'm going to talk about will involve America because sadly in American media they like me to forget that that other countries exist. So anyway for a country that spends over 1.4 trillion dollars (or as I used to equate money when I was 7 years old, 14 trillion blackjacks or fruit salad sweets) why wouldn't they have utilised the technology yet? And before you start to mutter “but we don’t understand it” think how many aliens live on earth, who would understand it. For god sake Stark, Mr. Fantastic, Bruce banner they all at one point have even built space ships. So why doesn't earth have a bitchin fleet, hell if America started to build a fleet of war spaceships i would be on the next flight to America and start practising my Texan accent and trying to remember what Texan people say, and so would at least half the people reading this. It makes no sense then that a nation that after one terrorist attack declared war (on the wrong country but I always imagined that when bush heard that it was mostly Saudi Arabia just shrugged and said “close enough” ) why wouldn't they declare war on space?

fuck you space

Another thing that bothers me is why isn't the technology any better than in the real world apart from when the hero is involved? I mean for a man whose goal is to create peace by creating a huge WAR MACHINE (this is a whole different rant, and one where 60% of it is me complaining that I am not iron man or Robert downy jr.) why doesn't he also give the secret to unlimited energy to the world? And to be more precise why hasn't anyone taken it? I know a lot of what I think of as fact when it comes to spies and assassins comes from 007 but seriously off the top of my head why don’t they get someone to sleep with him, and then try to steal his heart thing?  It would literally solve so many problems it would be unbelievable. For the love of god there is an A.I in there! And of less importance worldwide but much more importantly to me at least, he has a jet pack! If someone had invented a jet pack and wasn't giving me one i would be so mad i would need to be exposed to gamma radiation just so I could properly show the level of anger. The technology created by these heroes would change the world so much it would be unrecognisable.

On another side note in my last article about comics I said that people would begin to idolise the justice league, which I still think is true, but in marvel the opposite is true. If I lived in the marvel universe and saw the current problems the world has today, then saw some rich dude walking around with so much tech that could help I would probably start to hate him. Same kind of goes for the others, the steroid infused killing machine who tries to preach about justice? Stop bashing people’s skulls in with your awesome shield and pretending that the 1940s were better because there were a lot of problems back then too. The only one I would like is hawkeye (mainly because he’s an archer and I have a soft spot for them), but even then I would have to admit he’s a bit of a dick.

Captain America himself raises a lot of questions, or to be more precise the failed super soldier type of hero. Off the top of my head I can think of maybe six different characters that started with an injection (1 captain america, 2 wolverine, I know he had healing but the whole point of weapon x scheme was to make super soldiers, 3 deadpool, 4Samson,5Nick fury as he got an injection that makes him immortal, 6 green goblin). Now some of them had powers to begin with but even so how are there not millions of super soldiers running around by now? There has been plenty of times in the history of science that the formula was forgotten, sometimes forever, a good example of this is Greek fire, honest to god they (the Greeks obviously) sprayed it on ships and it would burn them to the ground. For hundreds of years the recipe was lost until people invented napalm. Napalm isn't Greek fire but its probably BETTER and it was invented because scientists knew that it was possible. The same must be in the marvel universe, you know that there is a way of creating another captain America, how can a military not want this to happen? Hell I would totally join the military if they were going to give me super powers, even for a crappy one like jubaliee (remember her from the 1990s x men cartoon, who could make fireworks? Did anyone else feel that she was in at as the pity mutant, the one you leave to guard the car while you take down magneto for the 78^th time). Because let’s be honest with all the crap that happens in the world on a regular basis no one would want to be normal.

So to finish of this rant then, the marvel universe is screwed, there is no real way that their world could be anything like ours, and its annoying that they don’t really acknowledge that in any sort of way. Another thing we learnt is that i would totally be a guinea pig for some mad scientist and that if space travel was invented there would be one random dude wandering around America with a huge stenson pretending to be Texan and saying howdy to every person he meets.